Kayaking for Nitai's Birthday
Because of summer travel, it’s been two years since Nitai had a birthday party. Realizing that at 15, Nitai may not be celebrating many more parties with us, we decided to go kayaking with his friends at White Rock Lake on Sunday morning.
However, easier said than done! I had to pay for the non-refundable, pricey kayaks way ahead of time, or else there wouldn’t be enough available. So when the weather app showed 75% chance of rain on Sunday morning, *after* I had already paid for 11 tandem kayaks, I panicked a bit. Will all that money be lost? All his friends weren’t available Monday and the catered meal was already being prepared.
Some say that as bhakti practitioners, we should avoid asking Krishna for material things or engaging Krishna in our own service. When Sanatan Goswami saw that Krishna was protecting Raghunath Das Goswami from a tiger, and Srimati Radharani was holding her veil to shade him from the midday heat, he admonished Raghunath Das.
However, we also hear how Krishna loves when his devotees fully depend on Him. That’s where I’m at. Perhaps too dependent. I remember asking Krishna for help to find a lost school notebook when I was five. Judy Blume’s novel, “Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret.” was a childhood favorite.
During Saturday morning’s japa meditation, I was distracted by all these worries. “Krishna, is it okay to ask You to just take care of this weather hiccup?” Feeling guilty for even thinking it, I added, “Whatever happens, I’ll accept it.”
But He heard the fleeting request and His magic started unfolding. During the day, Sunday’s chance of rain dropped from 75% to 60% to 45%. Hope hit my heart. We may not need to cancel; we won’t lose all that money!
The next morning, however, swaying branches banging against the dining room windows woke me up. It was raging outside; wind whipping through the trees; water seeping in under the door cracks. But when we checked the weather app, the hour-by-hour showed only 15% of rain at 11 AM; with 40% at 10 and at 12! 11 AM was our kayak slot. How could that be?
My heart skipped a beat as I realized with euphoria that yes, this indeed was my Ghanashyam Govinda; blowing away the storm clouds for the few hours that we needed. Yet again, He acted fast, and showed me, yes, He’s got me.
20 teenagers gathered excitedly to the docks; laughing, jostling each other and yelling surprise when Nitai sauntered in. Some jumped into their kayaks, swiftly whipping away, while others tentatively stepped in, nervously smiling.
My Rupa Prabhu, with his numb feet, carefully climbed into the tandem canoe with me. Envisioning a romantic ride with him down the lake, I was excited. But, life ain’t simple like that. Only three minutes in, his legs started cramping up and we had to turn back. As he climbed back to shore, I switched to a single kayak, and raced back out to catch up to the group.
My kayak jostled through the turbulent muddy waves. As I forcefully rowed against the strong current, I could feel my mind’s unfortunate tendency is to flood itself with sadness; left unchecked, the mind will turn molehills into mountains. (My life sucks. My husband can’t even go kayaking with me. It must suck for him to just have to watch us all. Krishna? Why this kind of life?) But this time, I controlled it quickly. Why create issues? Rupa Prabhu stoically has accepted his physical limitations years ago. The kids were having a blast. Krishna had already shown His presence by halting the storm clouds. What more did I want? Let me gratefully accept my good fortune.
And guess what. After the party was over, the storm started up again, raging so powerfully that our neighborhoods lost power for a few hours. Krishna had clearly hit pause for Nitai’s birthday.
mābhīr manda-mano vicintya bahudhā svāmī nanu śrīdharaḥ
O foolish mind, stop your fearful fretting. After all, is your master not the husband of Sri, the Goddess of Fortune? What can that dispeller of the whole world's troubles not do for His own servant?
Sharing God’s presence in my life can be a little tricky. I don’t want to give the impression of being someone I’m not; “pure-devotee syndrome”. I’m just a regular ole American- Indian girl at heart (yes, ABCD!), hell bent on dancing through every minute of this life. Even as I write this, I’m stuffing my face with birthday cake, and a TV show is running in the background.
But after 40 years of choppy bhakti practices, Krishna is mercifully becoming more real every day. His strong lotus hands are guiding my kayak through the turbulent material ocean. I will lean back and trust His control. And I will find the courage to share my journey with all of you through these blog posts.
Hare Krishna!
