3. A Big White Spot
2/22/17
As the third day rolled around, CT scan results finally appeared. It was conclusively a brain bleed - something had exploded and now they had scheduled an MRI. I stayed at night with Vraju in the hospital bed and how darling he was. He continued to joke and laugh, “Here’s the vacation you always wanted, Mommy.” and more. It started dawning on me that there was a very real chance these might be my last moments with him. I took shelter of the philosophy and forced those thoughts out of my mind. Or at least I tried.
Here’s FB post 3.
“Thank you everyone for your prayers. He has been moved out of the ICU. They took him for another CT scan a few hours ago and are continuing tests. After the MRI is complete we'll know more. They're saying we'll be here until at least the end of the week..
All that is conclusive right now is that there is a big white spot of bleeding in the middle of all the grey matter in his brain. And that when the nurses look at it, their eyes get really big and they start whispering amongst each other and looking scared. It creates a twinge in my heart; threatening to open the door for Dread, who lurks in the shadows. I won't let him in my heart.. He has no place where my Govinda reigns king.
My Jkk Jagadguru Kaka said it best: He belongs to Radha Kalachandji. As do all our children. Surely they know what is best for him and will carry him through whatever is needed. We are but Their dasis.. And ready to be molded as they wish.
Pain, fear, worry, dread.. all these emotions that prefer to have my attention, ready to take over if allowed; all of them are kinda really unnecessary. Reversals are a fact of life in this topsy-turvy world. They are actually necessary for growth; opportunities for future success.
If anything comes out of this experience, my wish is that my Vraju will now be more confident that he can handle hospital time with dignity, and with peace of mind. That he'll really know that he has the inner strength to overcome any other challenges this body will give him. He is a lucky boy to be getting this chance to learn this at such a young age.”
At 3am, they got him out of bed suddenly, saying we need to do another quick CT scan because in his sleep his heart rate had dropped too low.
Vraju's response: Mommy, I think you've taught me too much meditation and I'm too peaceful for these nurses. :p
Haha yup that's ma boy.
