22. Demanding
3/2/17
Another morning waking in the hospital...
Vraju is up throughout the night so it's like having a baby all over again :p. Feeling bit tired emotionally. But good news is that Vraju was moved out of ICU during the night. He's looking at the good this morning; maybe because he can psychologically feel that his mommy is a bit drained?
"I got so much sleep. Three hours straight.”
Krishna, I hope all this will be over soon. Dunno how long I can keep up this strength. Mind you, I haven't chanted japa yet. Maybe if I do my butterflies and rainbows will come back again.
He's progressing much quicker than doctors have expected. He was able to walk (albeit very slowly) to another chair and they were shocked. We have to stay focused on the positives. Yesterday he said, "I think this happened because I have to learn something really important in my life."
When I'm weak, he's strong. My sister Gaura, my Mati and Kunji, and dear Rupa Prabhu keep up the spirits all throughout the day. We have many blessings.
But still, this morning, just feeling so drained. No wonder Srila Prabhupada didn't like hospitals at all.
The cowherd boys demanded Krishna's protection during the forest fire. "It is not right that we should suffer in this way. We are all completely dependant on You."
In the Srimad bhagavatam, the transliteration says: na — never; ca — and; arhanti — deserve; avasāditum — to suffer destruction; We do not deserve this; because we are surrendered unto you!
This morning, I'm feeling like demanding that to Krishna. Of course, I don't know how demanding I can be. I'm not all that surrendered.
Here's the beautiful quote from the Krishna book. Reading Srila Prabhupada's books are life-giving in these types of circumstances.
"But by this time the forest fire had surrounded all of them, and the situation appeared to be very fearful. The flames increased as the wind blew very quickly, and it appeared that everything movable and immovable would be devoured. All the cows and the boys became very frightened, and they looked toward Balarāma and Kṛṣṇa the way a dying man looks at the picture of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. They said, “Dear Kṛṣṇa! Dear Kṛṣṇa! You and Balarāma are very powerful. We are now burning from the heat of this blazing fire. Let us take shelter of Your lotus feet. We know You can protect us from this great danger. Our dear friend Kṛṣṇa, we are Your intimate friends. It is not right that we should suffer in this way. We are all completely dependent on You, and You are the knower of all religious life. We do not know anyone except You.
”kṛṣṇa kṛṣṇa mahā-vīra
he rāmāmogha vikrama
dāvāgninā dahyamānān
prapannāṁs trātum arhathaḥ
The cowherd boys said: O Kṛṣṇa! Kṛṣṇa! Most powerful one! O Rāma! You whose prowess never fails! Please save Your devotees, who are about to be burned by this forest fire and have come to take shelter of You!
nūnaṁ tvad-bāndhavāḥ kṛṣṇa
na cārhanty avasāditum
vayaṁ hi sarva-dharma-jña
tvan-nāthās tvat-parāyaṇāḥ
Kṛṣṇa! Certainly Your own friends shouldn’t be destroyed. O knower of the nature of all things, we have accepted You as our Lord, and we are souls surrendered unto You!
